Ahhhhhhhh. School has started. The smell of overly zealous Axe laden male teens wafts through the house. One can only imagine what it smells like in the hallways at school. (sorry ladies). Pumpkin Lattes are back, wait what? Those things are supposed to be in Starbuck’s by August 26th? It’s still 100+ degrees where I live. WTF? If we think it, it will be cooler?
So with school starting, I thought I’d help some folks out with the many different definitions of the word “What” as used at my house by the teen and tween (but especially the teen). Consider this your primer. I never knew there were so many definitions of this word. This is “what” (see what I did there – Oh! I did it again) I will call the Rosetta Stone so parents may decipher the word “What” as a child advances into what is called the teen years. “May the Odds Be Forever in Your Favor” or “May the Force Be With You” or whatever works for your household. Oh and buy stock in Axe.
The Many Teenage Definitions of the word “WHAT”
- WHAT!!!!!! - short quick and straight to the point = Mom or Dad called my name and I’m in the middle of something important like Xbox or an incredible driving game on my iPad. How dare you disturb my utterly important activity! The world will freaking end if I’m interrupted!
- Whut? – with a look of disdain that says “Why are you speaking to me?” = You looked at me like I did something wrong when all I was doing was sitting here, doing nothing.
- What? - sometimes the same as “Huh? “ = You are speaking to me and you’ve told me a required form or assignment is due today. I’ve never heard or seen it and/or you never told me about it, so it must be your fault for not telling me. It can’t possibly be my fault. I’m an the supreme ruler of all that is teenhood, so what I say goes. I will belittle you with all that is in my response.
- Whuuuuuuuuuuuuu——-uuut? - Long and drawn out with an upswing in the last part of the ut = Mom, Dad or sibling can not really be saying something that is the truth. I, as a teen, must totally and completely say this version with the implication of “You are a fucking idiot and know nothing.”
- Whaaaaat? - exactly as is looks like it’s pronounced, voice a little pensiveness (only as much as a teen can muster) = I think you might be telling the truth about whatever it is we are talking about, but I’m not totally sure, so I’m going to be a little more polite about it…. in case the parental unit is actually right, which can’t possibly happen until I’m like, 35.
- What? - actually normally tone of voice for a human being (not a teen) = usually saw something on the news (totally on accident because I was being forced to watch it because my parents had it on) that I can’t totally believe happened and only believe it because it’s on TV and I can Google it and find the same thing that someone besides my parents is reporting. I might actually believe it since my parents didn’t say it.
- WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!! - as in “What are you Doing to me?” = my parent is cleaning a scrape, cut, wound of some sort with Bactine, rubbing alcohol, peroxide or some other form of antiseptic torture for my own good. I REALLY think you are trying to kill me.
- Whuuuut? - said with exasperation in the voice = We can’t possibly be having THAT for dinner. It’s usually because it’s because something green is included with the meal like broccoli, peas, green beans or salad. I can totally live on chicken nuggets, ranch dressing and french fries, DAMMIT!
- What? - very quick and to the point = I fucking heard you the first 10 times you asked me to do something, but I chose not to acknowledge you and I’m still not doing it because my time frame is much more important than yours. Nevermind the trash truck is rounding the corner. I don’t need to take the trash out right now. Your freaking crazy Mom.
- What! - another short and quick, but may also be used interchangeably with “You’ve GOT to be kidding!” or “What the Hell? “- usually used when dropping something on the floor or a light bulb goes out at the top of the stairs that will require scaffolding to change and your parent has asked you to scale the wall to do it. WTF! You are Spiderman after all.
- WTF? – accompanied with using the international hand gesture in the car for “WTF are you doing you asshole driver”. My kid has this down already and he only has his learners permit. It the beginning of road rage. You’ve been warned.
- What?!?!- sometimes followed by a “GAH!” and said with as much disdain as a teen can muster; also may include an eye roll or a huff and puff = YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE! I can’t believe you just said that to me or asked me that. I’m going to go pout with my hormones for the next 20 minutes or until I need to borrow the keys to the car.
AND Saving the last one as a parental response to What?
What!! – Parental short quick and straight to the point response, with exasperated attitude in parental tone after having heard the request of “MOM!!!!!” 27.6 times in a 5 minute time frame = Teen/Tween said “MOM!!!!!!!” 27.6 times in a 5 minute time frame and you are expected to immediately respond to his royal highness.